Trusting Yourself
Some friends and I are embarking on our own 100 day challenge. September 1st-December 1st. We are committing to one thing of our choosing, on our terms and continuing through the 100 days. We are sharing it with each other and inviting accountability.
Although we are choosing areas that we actually want to create change in, the overarching desire is to develop the self-discipline of keeping our commitments to ourselves.
Most people typically think of making changes in the New Year. To me September seems like a more natural time to make a change. The start of the school year always evokes in me fresh starts. New notebooks and pens and school supplies. New clothes and shoes and lunch supplies. First as a student and then as a mom.
Of course we really don’t need an occasion to start a change or to develop a new habit. But when a friend suggested this timeframe I jumped in, grateful for a community of friends that is challenging each other and providing support.
A question for you:
What is the shortest amount of time you have stuck to a new discipline?
For me it was 1 day. I know, not proud of that. And the thing is, my mind takes note. I broke a commitment to myself. How many times have I told myself I would do something at a certain time and when that time came around I blew it off? It’s not like I am being flaky to someone else and bailing. Just myself, doesn’t matter.
But it does, a lot. Our mind rightly starts to believe that we are not trustworthy. We don’t live in integrity. We lose confidence in ourselves. We can change this. David Waldy, former life coach with Tony Robbins has a great short on this topic:
It matters less what you commit to than that you Do commit. And follow through. If you fail on a follow-through get right back on it. Your self-image is counting on it.
Start small and be realistic.
Some small habits to start and commit to:
- Making your bed first thing in the morning, every morning. Start your day with a win. O
- Text an encouragement to someone different every day of the week. It will change the way you look at others.
- Give your partner a sincere compliment every day. Guaranteed to change your relationship.
- Take at least a 10-minute walk every day, rain or shine. I knew a man who committed to run an hour every day for a year. He kept it, every day, no matter what. It changed his life.
It’s important to distinguish between your commitment and a goal. Say I want a new career. I love my current one, so this is hypothetical. I might commit to sending out at least 5 resumes a day. My goal is to have a a great new career in 90 days. I can control the first part-my commitment. Although my “why” for sending out the resumes is to get a new career, and the more resumes I send out the better are my chances of getting a job, the results are not in my control. Did I keep my commitment-if so that’s a huge win! Did I miss a day or 3 and get right back to it-great! Did I fail to reach my goal? Yep-no new career by day 90. That’s just a re-direct, an opportunity to learn and pivot.
For those who are “failure averse” here is a great video. Failure doesn’t define you, it teaches you, it offers you resilience. Every fail can be a win if you let it. You tried, you took the risk-that’s a win.
If we never fail at anything we are either lying to ourselves or we are playing it too safe.
Of course we need to weigh the risks, some fails result in long lasting negative consequences. So choose wisely, do your due diligence and realize that not acting, not trying also has the potential of bringing negative consequences. To try without assurance of outcome is to risk.
Perspective plays a big part. Think of a child learning to ride a bike without training wheels. I don’t know of any child who gets it the first time. They fall, they get up, they fall again and again and again. It’s in the falling that they learn what to do and what not to do.
The messages that child gets are very important. If their parent or other teacher is encouraging them to keep trying, praising them for their efforts and perseverance, they are more likely to keep trying. If the messages they are getting are negative, if they are attacking them as a person-"a failure", "they will never", "they will always"… it is devastating. That child is much more likely to give up, both then and in life going forward.
As adults we still can be swayed and our resolve diminished by the opinions of others. So in addition to watching your own self-talk, be careful who you trust with your commitments. Tell someone-accountability is important. Just make sure it is someone who will encourage you when you need it and not feed into negative self-talk.
Celebrate your wins. And celebrate the times that you get back up. Most journeys are not a straight upward trajectory, but highs and dips. The improvement is seen in the less frequent dips and the shorter times off-track.
What one small or large change are you ready to commit to? Would you like to see what you can accomplish in the next 100 days?
Some tips for strategy: https://lindagall.org/page/life-coaching
If you'd like to be part of an accountability group with tips and encouragement, book at call with me to get started.
To trusting the person in the mirror,
Linda
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