Has Life Left You Wanting?

What do you want?

Remember when you were in high school, or just graduated, maybe starting college and the world was full of possibilities? There was excitement and anticipation in the adventure of the unknown. You felt like you could do and be anything you wanted. Time was your friend.

Then life happened, plans didn’t quite work out the way we thought they would. We took a few hard knocks. Deep disappointments colored our world.

And we had responsibilities, we adulted and we got weighed down. We got practical and realistic and became dutiful and serious. And stuck. Dreams became harder to come by.

The times we started and stopped accused and defeated us. Whatever rung of whatever ladder we were climbing became our stopping place.

Our getting back up matched our level of resilience. Some of us kept going and some of us stayed down. It was safer, it was familiar in the land of low risk and low expectations.

We likely all know that place. It’s easy to slide into and difficult to climb out of. It sucks the life right out of us. And the thing is, no one is coming to pull us out of it. It is a choice we alone must make. Sometimes over and over. Others can provide support and encouragement, but we must first choose to climb out. To allow ourselves to “want” again.

Years ago I watched the series “Friday Night Lights”. It was full of real life-the challenges, the mess-ups, the conflicts, and imperfect heroes who were ultimately guided by principle. In the final episode one of the main characters said this after a rough upbringing and high school life in a small town in Texas. She was heading to college with the hope of a different life, something that had seemed impossible. It was so impactful to me I kept it. Maybe you find yourself in this somewhere.

“Two years ago I was afraid of wanting anything.

But now I find I can’t stop wanting

I wanna fly somewhere in first class

I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip

I wanna get invited to the White House

I wanna learn about the world

I wanna surprise myself

I wanna be important

I wanna be the best person I can be

I wanna define myself instead of having others define me

I wanna win and have people be happy for me

I wanna lose and get over it

I wanna not be afraid of the unknown

I wanna grow up to be generous and big-hearted the way people have been with me

I want an interesting and surprising life

It’s not that I think I am going to get all these things

I just want the possibility of getting them

College represents possibilities

The possibility that things are going to change.

I can’t wait!”

When was the last time you “couldn’t wait”?

Maybe you are in a place of being afraid of wanting. Wanting represents disappointment. And you’ve been there. But are you willing to risk that to feel alive again?

Maybe you want to want again. The starting place. All changes start with a want.

The first action step of wanting is choosing. Choose to believe in possibilities. Our consistent choices are what wire and rewire our brain.

Remember that time when you believed everything was possible? Maybe you were 6, or 16. What happened to that mindset of hope? The way our mind perceived life either reinforced that in our brain or diminished it. We became victims of our own thoughts. But we don’t have to stay there. The science of neuroplasticity shows that by changing our minds-how we perceive life-actually changes the wiring of our brains.

What ancient texts have long been telling us is being proven through neuroscience.

But how?

By consistently choosing hope, possibility. This is the first and most important step. Then make plans and start walking it out.

3 Starting places

Put things in your calendar to look forward to
Create something
Learn something new

Get events on your calendar

It doesn’t need to be something grandiose. Just something you enjoy. Start with 1 thing a week. Bold it on your calendar so every time you check your schedule that week you see it. Allow the smile of anticipation. Want it.

I know people with chronic illnesses and this is particularly challenging. When you have to keep breaking plans because you are too sick on the given day it’s easy to stop planning. Maybe you have an inconsistent schedule and follow-through is often impossible.

Make plans with people who understand that you might need to cancel. Give yourself grace. Our brains are powerful and often the hope of being able to follow through with the plan creates the conditions to follow through. Every time you have to cancel, instead reschedule, plan something else.

Don’t like to make plans? Start small. A date and time on your calendar to get out of town for a day or longer. Plan a visit with a friend. Fill in the details later, or as you go Practice spontaneity. Follow through.

Anticipating something good expands our ability to see possibilities. And every time we are able and do follow through our mind takes notice and small changes in our brain occur.

Create something

We were made in the image of a limitless Creator. To create. Think of the satisfaction of completing a project, of seeing your garden bloom, of composing music, developing a great idea, or solving a problem. Our brains come alive. We were made for this. Seeing progress fuels us onward. And the joy chemicals in our brain wake up.

I was leading a group discussion over the weekend at an event. One of the questions was “what made you smile this week?” What immediately came to my mind was the bright pink flowers on my deck. Every Spring I fill my containers with bright annuals to fill in among the leafy perennials. Watching my container gardens go from sticks in the dirt to lush plants and vibrant flowers gives me joy. I designed them, put them together, watered and clipped and trimmed. There is huge satisfaction in seeing the fruits of my labor.

Learn something

Find a topic that sparks your interest and feed that interest. Even 15 minutes a day to listen to an interesting podcast or read will increase your knowledge. You will be growing-we were made to be lifelong learners. Keep your brain expanding and happy.

Then keep going, allow yourself to see possibility and pursue it. Despite the risks and the possible disappointments. The life we choose today effects our tomorrow.

If you allowed yourself to dream again, what would you want to do, to be, to experience, to learn?