We are all familiar with the feeling of unforgiveness. That tightness when we think of that person. The hurt, anger, sadness that can ruin our moment, our day, our life.
We often misunderstand what forgiveness is. It's easy to think that if we choose to forgive we are telling ourselves that what they did wasn’t important and that the pain from the consequences doesn’t matter.
The Mayo Clinic published an insightful article on forgiveness:
“Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger.”
When my sister and I were young our family lived in rural Ohio. Next door to us lived a family with a pony that we often visited to talk to, brush and feed. Almost daily we asked our parents for a pony of our own. One day our parents sat us down and asked us a loaded question. Would you rather have a pony or a baby brother?
That was a no-brainer-a pony! But alas, it was too late, my parents were counting on a different answer. Baby brother (good guess on their part) was already in the making.
I feel like this was a magnified state of what I often allow for my mind. Clutter. Procrastinations, feelings of guilt that I don’t address, anger that I nurse, the fears and doubts that I allow to simmer under the surface. All due to postponed decisions.
Like malware running in the background, robbing me of peace, stealing my joy. Mental clutter is an energy drain.
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits says that “clarity is the elimination of mental clutter”.
Our minds are amazing and tricky. They seek to understand. So often when we don't have an answer we fill in the blanks When we can't In that seeking they often create their own meaning.
A conversation with an 8 year-old recently gave me some insight into how early we start this practice. It is already forming in her mind and messing with her feelings. She was sad because a certain person "didn’t like her." I asked her what made her think that. Her answer was because a certain expectation wasn't met.
How often do we do a different version of this?
It seems like we have become accustomed to operating in a state of "hurry". We feel like we have too much to do and not enough time to do it and in kicks the illusion of the benefit of faster. You know, the belief that “if I hurry I can …”
When I give in to long-ingrained habits I seem to have 2 speeds-the classical hare and turtle. I either rush around or I move at a turtle pace. It’s a cycle. I look at my to-do list and realize I must hurry. (Even now I see my tendency to type as fast as I can. Thus making mistakes and wasting any time that I gained by hurrying (the irony!) And isn’t that the illusion? That hurry means more.
