I grew up in the “wonderful” era of Wonder bread, Velveeta cheese and convenience foods. My mom, although a good cook, embraced the ease of canned sauce and canned peas (a story for another time) when she worked a full-time job.
At 17 I hiked to the top of a local mountain with 2 friends on New Years Day. They brought the meal-crusty French bread, cheddar cheese and a bottle of wine. It was amazing. Real food. I was hooked.
I got into “back to our roots” unprocessed food. I started cooking from scratch. My dream was to learn to make bread. Not the frozen loaves from the store, but real “mix it and knead and rise it first” bread.
On a visit to my grandmother and great aunt in Ohio that following summer I learned that Aunt Dale made bread! What!?!! and that she would be happy to teach me. It was an extremely satisfying experience. It changed my life. I was now a capable pioneer woman, I could make bread!
Over the years I have made hundreds of loaves. It has served me well, raising children, teaching my daughter to bake, furnishing others with gifts of homemade bread. What I didn’t anticipate as a teenager was the joy that giving homemade bread would give me.
The thing about making bread-If you embrace the process you gain as much or more than you give. Feeling the dough go from dry and crumbly to smooth and elastic from the work of your hands. Ignoring your aching arms to give the dough a few more kneads and turns. Watching the dough grow to twice it’s size and the smell of the bread baking! It was extremely gratifying to bring the brown loaves out of the oven. And the taste of butter melting on the warm hunk of bread! It’s definitely a labor and gift of love.
As I started to give it away I found that I had gained a somewhat novel gift to delight others with. And that made me very happy.
This month more than others our focus is on gifting. When we peel away the stress of overbooking ourselves, the worrying over the “perfect” gift and the other pressures we put on ourselves we find joy in discovering ways to delight those we care about. Giving gifts, giving experiences, surprises, giving to strangers. Our hearts are more open, our minds more engaged in giving than in ourselves. And it changes things.
Studies on the neurobiology of giving have been conducted. It turns out that when we practice generosity our brain rewards us with happy endorphins. which have many benefits to our mental, emotional and physical health.
“Giving can stimulate our brain’s mesolimbic pathway, or reward center boosting self-esteem, elevating happiness and combating feelings of depression.”
In the act of giving or helping others these brain chemicals are released:
• Seratonin-a mood regulator
• Dopamine-a pleasure endorphin
• Oxytocin-creating a sense of connection with others
Effects on our physical health when we give:
• Lower blood pressure
• Lower stress levels
• Longer life span
• Better heart health
So there’s a reason we feel good when we do something for someone else! Who knew??
Apparently Jesus did when he told the crowds that we get more joy by giving than by receiving. It was a novel thought at the time, like so much of what he said. Seems he had inside information.
Most of us are engaged in periodic gifting to others-Christmas, birthdays. What about establishing a daily habit of giving-something. It can take a small effort to give generously to someone else with a huge impact on them and us.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is to let them know that we see them. That they are not invisible. That they are significant. Even strangers.
I will never forget this experience:
I passed her on my way out of Costco. She was standing, waiting at the optical counter. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, little to no make-up on, not well-dressed and not a Barbie figure. By her posture and her demeanor she did not strike me as someone who thought she was “all that”. Yet her face seemed to glow with an understated beauty. She was stunning. I was almost to the door when I decided to turn around and go tell her. As I got close to her she thought she was in my way and apologized and stepped back.
Me: No, I want to tell you something.
She looked at me.
Me: "You are incredibly beautiful."
You would think I had thrown ice water in her face. She suddenly and abruptly came to life
“Oh, oh, you have no idea what that means to me” She reeled and righted herself. “Oh, thank you”
Me: "I hope you know that."
“Thank you, thank you." Pause. Was she starting to believe it? I smiled at her.
Her-“I hope you have a wonderful day, Thank you, you’ve made my day”
As I left Costco I had a huge smile on my face and in my heart. A man in the parking lot noticed my smile and did a double take. I wanted to shout, “I just made someone’s day!”
A woman I worked with years ago had a Mother-in-Law who knew the gift of words. Every year for Christmas each family member got a card to open on Christmas that went into detail about how much they had meant to her the past year. She detailed the specifics that she appreciated about them. Opening her cards was the highlight of Christmas for each of them.
While Aunt Dale and I were waiting for the bread to rise that long ago summer day, then rise again and bake there was a lot of time to hear her stories. She told me about telling her son when he was little that the best gift was giving someone what you would like to have. So for Christmas he gave her a football. And she let him play with it.
I was reminded of that when my grandson gave me a children’s game one year for Christmas. He was so excited to give it to me. I was thrilled. We played it together and laughed together. What a gift.
When a gift is truly a gift-freely given without obligation it communicates caring and often love. And isn’t that what we all really want? To know we are seen, that we are loved and appreciated. To know that we matter and that the world would be worse off without us in it.
Not just on special days but any day will do.
In giving we receive and in receiving with gratitude we give.
In this season when we celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, the greatest gift humans could ever receive I wish for you this love. To give it and receive it all year.
A memorable Christmas to you,
Linda
The 2024 election is over and most of the results are in. We have or we haven’t done what we deemed important to get our choices passed, our people elected. Some of us are happy with the results of the presidential pick and some are not. It is doubtful that any of us are happy with each choice that was made in this election.
What now? The divide that started long ago in our politics is even deeper in the aftermath. Let’s resist the temptation to blame one party, one candidate for this. Both sides are guilty. And we are guilty. How so?
While opinions and often strong ones are a sign of caring about issues, about what is right and good and being passionate about what we believe, when we shift from a stance of thinking of someone as having different opinions to regarding them as a bad person and writing them off- that’s where the division comes in. And we “cut off our nose to spite our face”.
The motto of our founding fathers-E pluribus Unum-out of many, one. Unity in diversity.
America is a country of very diverse people, most of whom love their families, help their neighbors and the stranger and want to live freely and prosperously. We can learn from our differing opinions and find solutions in maintaining connection and respect.
With the divisiveness and anger and insults that have bombarded us it has been easy to get caught up in it. Blaming, criticizing sometimes even hatred. Fear of the consequences if our candidates didn’t win . These emotions, even on a small scale effect our mental and emotional well-being.
Some things to consider. Before we distance ourselves from someone based soley on their political choices, can we try being curious? Why do they think the way they do? They may have reasons that will surprise us.
We listen to different news and we hear different things. Different information that is presented as truth. Without fact checking we can and do believe lies. On both sides.
And we hear the same things differently. What you hear as A I may hear as M or Z. It’s not intentional but often just different ways we associate words and meanings.
Some suggestions:
• Be curious, ask questions to get understanding. Not to make or win an argument.
• Be kind, be generous
• Fact check to separate the truth from the lies.
• Stand for what we believe is right while respecting others’ opinions
• Resist the temptation to demonize those who disagree with us
• Ask yourself, “Is it more important for me to win an argument or to maintain relationship?”
• Hatred begets hatred. Kindness and generosity begets the same.
Braver Angels is an organization that started in 2016 with a handful of people who were troubled by the political divide that was happening. Today they have grown to thousands of volunteers across the country working to bridge the divide through workshops, training, newsletters and more. Their mission is worth including here
"The Braver Angels Way
We state our views freely and fully, without fear.
We treat people who disagree with us with honesty, dignity and respect.
We welcome opportunities to engage those with whom we disagree.
We believe all of us have blind spots and none of us are not worth talking to.
We seek to disagree accurately, avoiding exaggeration and stereotypes.
We look for common ground where it exists and, if possible, find ways to work together.
We believe that, in disagreements, both sides share and learn.
In Braver Angels, neither side is teaching the other or giving feedback on how to think or say things differently."
The Holidays are coming with opportunities to share a table with family and friends that we don’t agree with. Braver Angels has great tips for civility in relationships in the midst of disagreement. On their website are links to their podcasts, workshops, newsletters and more.
We have real enemies and it’s not each other. We need differing opinions-in our relationships and in our government. We can learn and grow from those with different thoughts. Are there real dangers lurking? Yes. But we need to see clearly, not through exaggeration, not trying to prove others wrong.
We can’t always change government leaders or laws or how policies effect us. But we can choose how we think about each other. By choosing grace and curiosity over judgement, prioritizing connection over division and hope over fear we care for our own mental health and that of others.
As we process the effects of the election and head into the holidays there are many stressors that can effect our mental health. If you would like to work with me one on one I am offering special discounted pricing for a 3-session package the rest of November and December.
