What is on your list? Did you make one? Have you found it pointless? You are not alone.
The beginning of the year can be a fresh start, an opportunity to make some desired changes. A time to remember when you put a stake in the ground and declared a new beginning, the start of a new habit, a better way of thinking, of acting, a move toward better. New hopes and possibilities.
Do you find that with the hope for these changes there is also some underlying doubt? Will you follow through? Can you really do it? Are you strong enough, disciplined enough, committed enough? There is that memory of the last change you tried and how it ended.
As the years go by it can become more difficult to believe in our follow-through. It seems best to give up on making New Year’s or any resolutions. Trying to change anything, make plans and set goals can appear out of reach. Considering real changes are reminders of the times you tried and failed.
Maybe you make resolutions every year without follow-through. It has seemed harmless to make starts and stops, to walk away from the resolutions and settle for the status quo. Oh well, no harm done, right?
Wrong.
A resolution is a commitment you make to your brain, like any commitment or promise you make to yourself. Most of us are careful and serious about commitments we make to others, but how about those we make to ourselves? There are consequences when we repeatedly break our word to another person-failed relationships, lack of trust, loss of job, etc. What about the promises we break to ourselves?
When we do keep a commitment we made to ourselves we are teaching our brain that we can trust ourselves to follow through. We think of ourselves as a trustworthy person, we respect ourselves, we feel good. It builds our confidence in who we are as a person. As we continue to do this in different ways that positive sense of self grows.
When we don’t follow through we teach our brains the opposite. We lose respect, just as we would with someone who didn’t keep their commitments to us. The more this happens the more ingrained it becomes that we are unreliable, not trustworthy and we don’t like ourselves. It gets harder to believe ourselves.
Positive affirmations have a benefit as reminders of what is true about us. But It doesn’t matter how many sticky notes you have on your mirror, how often you repeat the mantra that you are trustworthy, that you keep your word, that you are exactly who you need to be…If it isn’t true our brain will resist it-at least at first. What a tragedy when we have manipulated our brain to believe our lies.
So what happens the next time we make a promise to ourselves? We don’t believe it. If we don’t believe it how likely are we to follow through with it? We have set ourselves up for failure. As soon as we make it we know we won’t follow through. So it’s no wonder a few days or weeks in we abandon it. We “knew” we would. We have become stuck in a familiar rut.
The good news is this trajectory can be reversed. It will take more effort and diligence to start turning this around, but we can do it. The study of neuroplasticity reveals amazing insights into how the brain makes new connections.
“Neuroplasticity speaks to the flexibility and adaptability of our brain throughout our life,” explains Dr. Tworek. “It’s how we grow as people.”
The awesome and scary and empowering reality is that under normal circumstances we are in control of what, of who we become. What we repeatedly do and think determines who we become. Are your thoughts and actions consistent with who you want to be?
So considering the high stakes of consistently failing to follow through on our promises to ourselves, how can we up our chances of success?
Atomic Habits by James Clear has great strategies for creating sustainable change.
Here are a few tips from my own research and experience:
Start small. One or two changes at a time. Think each one through carefully.
• How will making this change benefit you and others? This is your motivation.
• What will making this change involve?
• What steps do you need to put in place to make it happen?
• What obstacles do you need to plan for?
• Make sure your steps are reasonable and sustainable.
Record and celebrate your wins. Track the times when you didn’t follow through.
• What prevented the follow-through?
• How can you avoid that situation in the future? Plan for it, then get back on track.
• Forgive yourself and keep going. Avoid letting an attitude of defeat take you down.
• When it gets hard remember your why
• Get an accountability partner, hire a life coach to support you through the change, create a group to work on changes together.
In what way will you grow in 2025? Will you grow in the direction of who you want to be? Or will you grow deeper in the habits and ways of thinking that are not serving you and others well?
“If you do not actively choose a better way, then society, culture, and the general inertia of life will push you into a worse way. The default is distraction, not improvement.” James Clear
We have been given the raw materials. What will we do with them? Let’s choose well and believe in the person that we can become.
I am available to help you get started and support you through change.
Wishing you peace with yourself in the New Year,
Linda
